(To be sung to the tune of LMFAO – I am sexy and I know it

 

When I walk on bold, girls be looking like damn he old

I think bout spreadsheets,

Walking on the street or on that subway seat yeah,

That is how I roll, powerpoint decks, version control,

It’s snafu with a big fuck you

Like Ryan Reynolds in the Green Lantern 

 

Girl, don’t look at my body,

Girl, in 10 I’ll be forty,

Girl, my car ain’t audi,

I don’t work out.

 

Girl, don’t look at my body,

Girl, I used to be naughty,

Girl, now I am just bawdy,

I don’t work out.

 

When I walk into my office, this is what I see,

Lotus notes and a ‘sweets at my desk’ email waiting for me, 

I’ve got mustard on my pants and I do not know it, know it, know it.

 

I am thirty and I know it. 

I am thirty and I know it. 

 

When I am at the mall, clearance clothes I’ll take them all

Now that I am over the hill, all netflix and ain’t no chill, 

That’s how I roll, facebook, twitter, tinder troll,

I am headed to the bar, baby don’t  be nervous

no money, no friends, I won’t need service

 

 

Girl, don’t look at my body

Male Pattern Baldy,

Like Lord Voldy,

I don’t work out. 

 

 

When I walk into my home, this is what I see,

Unwashed clothes and dishes staring at me,

I’ve got a huge home loan, 

But I am afraid to show it, show it, show it. 

 

I am thirty and I know it. 

I am thirty and I know it. 

 

Check it out, check it out

Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, yeah
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, yeah
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, yeah
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, yeah

Do the wiggle man
Do the wiggle man

 

I am thirty and I know it. 

 

Girl, don’t look at my body,

I ain’t no hottie,

fat, dark and shorty,

I don’t work out. 

 

Girl, don’t look at my body

Please don’t look at my body,

No, don’t look at my body,

I don’t work out. 

 

I am thirty and I know it. 

 

(Happy 30th birthday to me!) 

 

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