*May contain spoilers, poor opinions and poorer words. Discretion advised.*
I was dragged to Ra.One, first day first show on Thursday. It was a very pleasant day. Rainy Diwali morning in Chennai. And nothing, I repeat, Nothing could have ruined my mood. So I didn’t mind paying the autowallah 300 bucks to take us to AGS, Villivakkam. I didn’t mind standing in a line because they didn’t have enough 3D glasses. I didn’t mind the 250 Rs. Ticket(with free popcorn and a can of Coke, mind you). And I didn’t mind sitting through a movie that has the best robots in the hindi film industry. (When you’ve seen Vivah thrice in a multiplex, your balls become platinum coated)
And because I was determined to have fun, I had a lot of fun. A lot.
I’ve never really been a fan of Superhero movies, especially Indian ones. When superheroes begin cycling in mid-air while pretending to fly, they sort of lose their credibility. My favorite Indian Superhero was the dog in ‘Teri Meherbaniyan’(closely followed by ‘Tuffy – The Renuka Shahane Slayer’).
I think by making Ra.One, Shah Rukh has violated the very first law of Robotics – “A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.” Ra.One can do serious injuries to your neurons if you take the movie too seriously(or your blood pressure if you rant about it on Twitter). And there is not truth in the claim that it is a movie for kids, what with all the condom-condom talk and Tere-Parents-Ki flying around. Not to mention the occasional crotch touching(going by current stereotypes, I’ll assume that those scenes were the contributions for which Karan Johar was thanked in the credits).
The problem with Ra.One is that it tries to build on the same stereotypes that every Superhero movie(and every second hindi movie) suffers from. The leading lady being attacked by an unlimited supply of goons. An irritating neighbor. Sexual innuendos. A fake South-Indian accent(also, who has curd with noodles?). Not only that, the movie asks you to take Niagara-falls-size leaps-of-faith from time to time. Like a game developer who drives a Beetle to work and walks his son home after a concert via a shady lane to be attacked by a midget goon. A son who calls his father a ‘coward’ and a ‘hero’ in the same half of the film(and keeps uttering ‘oh fish’ once in a while to emphasize his phoren upbringing).
But let’s not talk about Ra.One’s flaws. Every critic worth his namak has already done that. Let’s talk about how Ra.One could have been awesomer.
I think Ra.One could have been amazing if Nana Patekar was the villain in place of Mr-Mere-Paas-National-Award-Hai-Tumhare-Paas-Kya-Hai.
I mean, he is a Ram-pal. How can you cast a Ram-pal as Ra.One? Nana Patekar on the other hand would have been really chilling. Remember how Ra.One keeps looking for Lucifer? Now imagine Nana Patekar squabbling around, looking for Lucifer, while slapping his forehead.
‘LUCIFER, KAHAN CHUPA BAITHA HAI?
MA KA DUDH PIYA HAI TOH BAHAR AA.. LUCIFER…’ *ambulance music*
Imagine 10 Nana Patekars shouting at G.One. No.one would stand a chance.
I’d give a limb to see Nana Patekar as a Super-Villain.
I also felt that there was a major branding opportunity in that scene where they throw cars at each other.
Tata Nano flying in from one end.
Tata Aria flying in from another, narrowly missing each other and landing perfectly.
Ra.One could also have been turned into a porn movie by simply uploading a ‘Hidden folder’ into G.One’s memory. You know, just next to the folder where he stores Shekahr Subramaniam’s messages. If they are planning to make a sequel of Ra.One, I implore them to bring one of these characters out of a video game. Please, pretty please.
I sympathize with Anubhav Sinha too. Six movies into Bollywood and he has already worked with some of the worst actors born on mother earth. May God give him strength to make a final movie with Vivek Oberoi and Imran Khan and then retire gracefully.
Till then I’ll watch Superhero movies like Wanted and Singham and temporarily wipe off Ra.One from my Randomly Accessed Memory.
Meanwhile, you can try answering intelligent questions related to Ramayana here.
(On a related note, go watch Ra.One with an open mind and a sense of humor. Crack a few jokes. Throw some popcorn around. Have fun. Leave your brains behind because that’s what 90% Bollywood movies are asking you to do these days. And if possible, wear a crotch guard. With the amount of grabbing on-screen, you never know when you catch some action off-screen too.)0