<Bad things ahead. Be warned>
I have a shitty digestive system. Literally and figuratively.
To be frank, none of my systems are up to the mark. Digestive, Excretory, Circulatory, Nervous – You name it. All are equally disappointing. I think when God was distributing healthy organs I was probably sitting in a corner tweeting lame jokes(and checking the number of retweets every now and then). But I’ll still blame God for going all CWG on my body – the infrastructure is so appalling. According to a recent theory, I can blame this on something else but it is easier to assume that God ditched me and all the goodies went to John Abraham.
So here I am, stuck with a digestive system that is as efficient as the Hockey Federation. My digestive system is so dysfunctional, I sometimes think of it as a group of organs living unhappily with each other. After every meal, my insides turn into the Indian Parliament with organs swearing at each other. If you listen closely, you can even hear them arguing.
It bothers me immensely that at every treat that each outgoing room-mate gives, I have to closely monitor what I am eating to ensure that I make it back home without any major accidents. I usually go hungry while traveling in a train for the same reason. My stomach has this Just-in-just-out policy and considering how awesome toilets in Indian coaches are, this becomes a life-threatening situation. I remember having a mango shake on one of my journeys to Nagpur. I remember running out of paper soap on the Lucknow-Chennai Express. I remember that afternoon when I was returning from Delhi University and had a Cold Coffee on one of the metro stations. The cycle-rickshaw wallah who got 100 bucks for 2 kilometers also remembers that afternoon. Not to mention the effort spent in suppressing a fart in an air-conditioned bus.
This probably runs in the family. My uncle was once trapped on a train station in a toilet sans water. Thankfully Bisleri was there to save the day. The second thing that my nephew did after coming to this world was to fart into the hands of his nurse (and later into mine). My dad can probably destroy a country after some Kosha-Mangsho.
Still, I am of the opinion that God (or Nature) had this moral responsibility of giving me a strong digestive system. and stronger teeth. and fairer armpits. and more hair on my head. and… and.. and.
Who am I kidding?
Kuch nahi badlega.
Iss System ka kuch nahi ho sakta.