Google Plus is here.
The ‘Invite Milega?’ game has begun. So have the ‘Another Social Network?’ tweets. Somehow Google decided to bestow me with access to a field trial of Google Plus(after I downloaded Google Chrome, Hmm). Unlike Google Wave, I didn’t have to offer my virginity for it. Or sell my kidney. You know.
I got an invite. Tried it for a bit. And it failed to impress me. In more ways than one. In fact it managed to piss me off in ten ways. Let me tediously describe how:
10 Reasons why I think Google Plus sucks:
1. Because Google thinks it knows who your REAL friends are.
Sorry Google. Forget my real friends, even my imaginary friends aren’t there on Google Plus. And I don’t need them there. You don’t get it. I need a social network to flaunt my valuables to innocent strangers and random acquaintances. My real friends don’t need a wall or a stream to know what’s happening in my life. They just know.
2. Google hasn’t learned anything.
Remember that annoying feature in Orkut when your Gmail chat windows started popping up in Orkut? It is still there. I hated it the first time around. I loathe it now.
3. Because Google is evil.
No, I am not even talking about their monopolistic designs, unfair practices or absolute control over our data. I am talking about this:
This is like hanging out of your window and screaming about the awesome party going on at your house to your neighbor who isn’t even invited. I wouldn’t do that to my worst enemy, let alone my friend.
4. Because no one wants to hangout with me.
What will happen to orkutias, mahipals, desperate amits, hotstud87s of the world? What will happened to FRAANDSHEEP! Who’ll hangout with them? Or will they be like lonely people who are hanging out alone? (demonstrated here by our very own P.P.)
Well P.P. doesn’t belong to any of the categories mentioned above. Far from it, he is a good guy. You know, real friends type. But still no one, NO ONE hanged out with him. I would have. Except I was topless and the last time I exposed parts of my body(a few days ago in my Twitter dp FYI), the feedback wasn’t very encouraging. Anyway, we digress.
The point is, how EPIC would the FAIL be, if you announce that you are hanging out but no body wants to hang out with you? As PP puts it, SCARY. It is as if the universe collectively pulled a FFFFFFFUUUUUU on you.
5. Because Google Plus = Anu Malik
Google Plus is awesome. I agree. But isn’t it a clever rip-off of stuff people have done before? From what I can see(and I am no power user, far from it):
- It looks a lot like Facebook, especially the sharing box(so much so that there is a theme now that lets you convert your Google Plus into a Facebook lookalike)
– The More button they borrowed from Twitter(only difference being that it doesn’t work too well in Google Plus’s case)
– Implement Chatroulette(sans the strangers) and call it ‘Hangout’.
– Rename Group Messaging with Huddle. Ooh.
– Rename Trending topics/Interests as Sparks. Dobule Ooh.
– Coming up are Google Games and Q&A(Quora?). Multiple Oohs.
How. Fucking. Original.
+1, Google. +1 indeed.
6. GIMME ALL YOUR DATA
If you give in to Google Plus, Google will have ALL your data. ALL because you already use Gmail, right? So now it has everything that you create. You have put all your eggs in one basket. One big, fat basket.
7. Because Google discriminates
Yes, Google is discriminatory. Against shapes.
It has this weird fetish for Circles.
What about the other shapes, eh? The Triangle? The Square? The Parallelogram?
And then Google Plus wants you to form Circles.
More circles! MOAR!
(Just to be fair to the other shapes, I created a few circles.)
And when you try to delete a circle, before it rolls into oblivion, you are greeted with this riddle:
All these circles have made me very clusterophobic. How many people will you add to your circles? What will you do when the circle nears an infinite radius and thus effectively becomes a line of people? What will you do?
8. Because it is full of people talking about Google Plus:
Seriously. I logged into Google Plus to see people using Google Plus talking about Google Plus. It is almost like Inception.
9. Because it will never be as awesome as Twitter
I love Twitter. Because it lets me cut the crap and limits my tirades to 140 characters. It lets me troll without feeling bad about it. It is my escape route. And it lets random people find random people. Twitter was innovation. A new way of conversation, of sharing. Google Plus is just a rehash. Admit it, a Google Plus meetup(let’s call it Addition for the lack of a better term) will never be as awesome as a Tweetup:
Crass jokes aside, Google Plus may make it easier for you to connect and classify people but I doubt it will make meeting(and befriending) strangers as easy as Twitter. As someone observed on Google Plus, there is no cgawker on Google Plus.
10. Because Google doesn’t even care.
It doesn’t. Google doesn’t really care about you, your privacy or the Google products that you use. Unless there is a chance for generating revenue from any of them. It is struggling to build a social network because Facebook is well poised for reaping all the monies. And Orkut fell flat on its face. Like Mimoh. Then Wave fell. Like Mimoh.
The only Google product that has lived up to its expectation(and maybe even exceeded it) is Gmail. And this isn’t surprising considering that Google has plugged ads in there too. They read your mails(even the dirty ones) and display ads accordingly(it is because of this that I never discuss my reproductive organs in emails).
You may disagree with me but remember Gtalk? Remember how we rallied for an invisible option on Gtalk client? Signed online petitions. Cried ourselves hoarse. NOTHING happened. Nothing. Zilch. It was last updated in 2007 I think. Usability can go fuck itself. How much does it take to implement that fix and release a new version of Gtalk? Won’t it be better than displaying ‘Oops! You are not invisible because you are signed in as Available on another client’? Remember Blogger’s shitty interface? Remember ‘Blogger in Drafts’? It took a blow like WordPress to force Google to upgrade Blogger to ‘Blogger in Drafts’. The list goes on.
But since I am not a Social Media Evangelothropist, I won’t go on. The point is, I am too old to move to Google Plus and add my 900 odd Twitter Friends and 1000+ Facebook contacts again on Google Plus. Not to forget my Gmail contacts which is mostly everyone outside my family(and the neighbourhood kirana store wallah). I deleted my Google Plus profile minutes ago(I am sorry for your circles, I truly am). Google Plus maybe awesome but I don’t need it. In any case, Facebook will implement most of these features in some days(because where there is an Anu Malik, there is a Pritam). And I secretly hope that they don’t fix that monstrosity that they call Facebook Chat. So that I can blame it on Facebook when I don’t feel like talking.
Farewell, Google Plus.