Google Plus and Harry Potter

There is no dearth of articles on Google Plus and of late I’ve been reading a lot of them(thanks to Manuscrypts and some zealous Google Reader buddies). Well, after much reading and reasoning, I’ve come to a conclusion that:

Google Plus is Harry Potter

You know how Harry Potter was born and there was a lot of hoopla and doubt. Google Plus’s birth was surrounded by a similar hint of confusion and subsequent celebrations.

– and how Harry was being touted as ‘Voldemort-killer’ and ‘Google Plus’ is being touted as a ‘Facebook-killer’.

– and how Harry and Voldemort are somewhat alike. Same goes for Google Plus and Facebook. They are like Hrithik Hroshan and Harman Baweja.

– and Harry Potter lived with the worst relatives ever. Google Plus lives with Wave, Buzz and Orkut.

– and how it took Harry Potter eight movies and seven books to kill Voldemort. You know.


Google Plus = Harry Potter.



(The previous post on Google Plus was contesting for one of the worst posts ever. This excuse of a post is hoping for greater laurels.


Tantanoo’s Must Watch Videos at a YouTube Party Playlist

I get only 43% of the cartoons posted on XKCD. For example, I didn’t get this recent one on Google+ and had to go all the way to Explain XKCD. Even that didn’t help much. But I do get the easier ones and swear by XKCD in any andho-mein-kaana-raja type situation. And then there are times when I TOTALLY get an XKCD comic. Like TOTALLY. This comic was a part of those rarest-of-rare moments.



(There is also a similar Doghouse Diaries strip-which predates XKCD’s comic btw)

Continue reading →


Nuclear Bomb refuses to act as villain in upcoming movies

Taking a cue from actor Sonu Sood, Nuclear Bomb today announced that it is no longer interested in negative roles. This decision comes after years of playing the villain in several Bond movies like Goldfinger and Tomorrow Never Dies and playing a negative role in numerous successful movies like Planet of the Apes, Terminator, Broken Arrow, Red Dawn and the more recent, Xmen: First Class. Nuclear Bomb has also played a key role in several video games like Call of Duty, Rise of Nations, Splinter Cell and Defcon. Earlier this week Nuclear Bomb refused to act in Madhur Bhandarkar’s next movie ‘Bomb’ citing date problems.This refusal is being considered as a confirmation of Nuclear Bomb’s stand against its typecasting.

‘I am fed up of playing the same negative roles again and again. Of late, I’ve started feeling like Mohinish Behl’, grunts Nuclear Bomb. ‘The last time I played a positive role, years ago in Deep Impact, all the credit was stolen by a stupid halfling. This is too much to bear’.

Nuclear Bomb was nominated for a Filmfare award for its performance in the Ohscar-nominated movie 16 December. But roles like that are hard to come by now that the hindi film industry is moving to meaningful movies  like Double Dhamaal and Dabangg. ‘No one cares about super villains anymore. Brilliant movies like Waqt Humara Hai are shelved even before they are scripted, thanks to all the Bhandarkars and Bhansalis of the world.’ says Nuclear Bomb adjusting his tail-fin. So what next?

‘Well, like Mohinish Behl, I am going in for a complete image makeover, moving to the small screen and playing a good guy.’ Balaji telefilms is rumored to have offered Nuclear Bomb a meaty role in their upcoming soaps, Kaun, Fusion? and Kabhi 238, Kabhi 235.

(Kiran Kumar was too shocked to comment on this development)

Nuclear Bomb’s decision has been welcomed by other in the industry. ‘After Arjun Rampal won the National Award, Nuclear Bomb was heartbroken and was contemplating quitting the industry altogether. It is nice that it has pulled itself up and is making a comeback on the small screen’, says fellow bomb Shilpa Shetty.

We won’t be seeing Nuclear Bomb in its threatening avatar anytime soon but we hope it explodes soon on the small screen(and takes a few soaps with it).


Notes–11th July

These days, me and this blog are suffering from the same disease. A feeling of purposelessness(in case that is a word). In the last few days, I’ve felt like deleting this blog, my Facebook profile, all the porn from my computer, my Google Plus profile and a few more things. Facebook profile and this blog have survived.

Not that I have nothing to write about. I have a long list of half-baked ideas scribbled in Evernote, a dozen more jumping from neuron to neuron as I write this. I haven’t written about any of the movies I’ve watched this year. So there is a lot of bloggable stuff in my life. Just that I don’t feel up to it. Thanks to the previous blog post(Ranked 4th on Google Search for the ‘Google Plus sucks’ keyword, as pointed out by @fakingnews, also successfully labeled as the ‘Most Chutiya Article Ever’), the blog’s stat counter has been ticking. Thus writing a post to salvage some traffic isn’t necessary at the moment. So instead of posts which usually have a point(or a purpose), this blog will see some journal-ish posts for a while. I’ve created a category called ‘Notes’ for them. This is one of them.

Twitter withdrawal symptoms have begun. I am constantly fighting the urge to change my GTalk status almost every hour with song lyrics, links and food updates. I have lost some of those battles.

I finally scored a Gold Medal in Stop the Bus. If you want to repeat the feat, try the Regular mode and select the third Guy from the end as your avatar. He always gets amazing cards. At least for me.

In a desperate attempt to kill boredom, I have decided to prepare for a popular feline MBA entrance examination. More on that later.

Also, this is the funniest thing I read in the last few days:

Che Guevara: Practical Application

According to a recent report in “The PseudoEngineer”, Bolivian scientists have wrapped copper wire around Guevara’s body and surrounded him with magnets. This is because he is turning over in his grave so rapidly due to the commercialization of his image that he now powers most of South and Central America by himself. He is thus the most prolific revolutionary in the history of the world, making over 200 revolutions per second

From Che Guevara’s Uncyclopedia Entry(via. @angad singh’s Facebook profile)


There and Back Again – A Google Plus User’s Tale

Google Plus is here.


The ‘Invite Milega?’ game has begun. So have the  ‘Another Social Network?’ tweets. Somehow Google decided to bestow me with access to a field trial of Google Plus(after I downloaded Google Chrome, Hmm). Unlike Google Wave, I didn’t have to offer my virginity for it. Or sell my kidney. You know.

I got an invite. Tried it for a bit. And it failed to impress me. In more ways than one. In fact it managed to piss me off in ten ways. Let me tediously describe how:


10 Reasons why I think Google Plus sucks:


1. Because Google thinks it knows who your REAL friends are.


Sorry Google. Forget my real friends, even my imaginary friends aren’t there on Google Plus. And I don’t need them there. You don’t get it. I need a social network to flaunt my valuables to innocent strangers and random acquaintances. My real friends don’t need a wall or a stream to know what’s happening in my life. They just know.


2. Google hasn’t learned anything.


Remember that annoying feature in Orkut when your Gmail chat windows started popping up in Orkut? It is still there. I hated it the first time around. I loathe it now.


3. Because Google is evil.

No, I am not even talking about their monopolistic designs, unfair practices or absolute control over our data. I am talking about this:


This is like hanging out of your window and screaming about the awesome party going on at your house to your neighbor who isn’t even invited. I wouldn’t do that to my worst enemy, let alone my friend.


4. Because no one wants to hangout with me.

What will happen to orkutias, mahipals, desperate amits, hotstud87s of the world? What will happened to FRAANDSHEEP! Who’ll hangout with them? Or will they be like lonely people who are hanging out alone? (demonstrated here by our very own P.P.)


Well P.P. doesn’t belong to any of the categories mentioned above. Far from it, he is a good guy. You know, real friends type. But still no one, NO ONE hanged out with him. I would have. Except I was topless and the last time I exposed parts of my body(a few days ago in my Twitter dp FYI), the feedback wasn’t very encouraging. Anyway, we digress.

The point is, how EPIC would the FAIL be, if you announce that you are hanging out but no body wants to hang out with  you? As PP puts it, SCARY. It is as if the universe collectively pulled a FFFFFFFUUUUUU on you.


5. Because Google Plus = Anu Malik

Google Plus is awesome. I agree. But isn’t it a clever rip-off of stuff people have done before? From what I can see(and I am no power user, far from it):

- It looks a lot like Facebook, especially the sharing box(so much so that there is a theme now that lets you convert your Google Plus into a Facebook lookalike)

– The More button they borrowed from Twitter(only difference being that it doesn’t work too well in Google Plus’s case)

– Implement Chatroulette(sans the strangers) and call it ‘Hangout’.

– Rename Group Messaging with Huddle. Ooh.

– Rename Trending topics/Interests as Sparks. Dobule Ooh.

– Coming up are Google Games and Q&A(Quora?). Multiple Oohs.

How. Fucking. Original.

+1, Google. +1 indeed.



If you give in to Google Plus, Google will have ALL your data. ALL because you already use Gmail, right? So now it has everything that you create. You have put all your eggs in one basket. One big, fat basket.



7. Because Google discriminates

Yes, Google is discriminatory. Against shapes.

It has this weird fetish for Circles.

image  image  image  image  image

What about the other shapes, eh? The Triangle? The Square? The Parallelogram?

And then Google Plus wants you to form Circles.

More circles! MOAR!

(Just to be fair to the other shapes, I created a few circles.)




And when you try to delete a circle, before it rolls into oblivion, you are greeted with this riddle:




All these circles have made me very clusterophobic. How many people will you add to your circles? What will you do when the circle nears an infinite radius and thus effectively becomes a line of people? What will you do?

8. Because it is full of people talking about Google Plus:

Seriously. I logged into Google Plus to see people using Google Plus talking about Google Plus. It is almost like Inception.

9. Because it will never be as awesome as Twitter

I love Twitter. Because it lets me cut the crap and limits my tirades to 140 characters. It lets me troll without feeling bad about it. It is my escape route. And it lets random people find random people. Twitter was innovation. A new way of conversation, of sharing. Google Plus is just a rehash. Admit it, a Google Plus meetup(let’s call it Addition for the lack of a better term) will never be as awesome as a Tweetup:


Crass jokes aside, Google Plus may make it easier for you to connect and classify people but I doubt it will make meeting(and befriending) strangers as easy as Twitter. As someone observed on Google Plus, there is no cgawker on Google Plus.

10. Because Google doesn’t even care.

It doesn’t. Google doesn’t really care about you, your privacy or the Google products that you use. Unless there is a chance for generating revenue from any of them. It is struggling to build a social network because Facebook is well poised for reaping all the monies. And Orkut fell flat on its face. Like Mimoh. Then Wave fell. Like Mimoh.

The only Google product that has lived up to its expectation(and maybe even exceeded it) is Gmail. And this isn’t surprising considering that Google has plugged ads in there too. They read your mails(even the dirty ones) and display ads accordingly(it is because of this that I never discuss my reproductive organs in emails).

You may disagree with me but remember Gtalk? Remember how we rallied for an invisible option on Gtalk client? Signed online petitions. Cried ourselves hoarse. NOTHING happened. Nothing. Zilch. It was last updated in 2007 I think. Usability can go fuck itself. How much does it take to implement that fix and release a new version of Gtalk? Won’t it be better than displaying ‘Oops! You are not invisible because you are signed in as Available on another client’? Remember Blogger’s shitty interface? Remember ‘Blogger in Drafts’? It took a blow like WordPress to force Google to upgrade Blogger to ‘Blogger in Drafts’. The list goes on.

And on.

But since I am not a Social Media Evangelothropist, I won’t go on. The point is, I am too old to move to Google Plus and add my 900 odd Twitter Friends and 1000+ Facebook contacts again on Google Plus. Not to forget my Gmail contacts which is mostly everyone outside my family(and the neighbourhood kirana store wallah). I deleted my Google Plus profile minutes ago(I am sorry for your circles, I truly am). Google Plus maybe awesome but I don’t need it. In any case, Facebook will implement most of these features in some days(because where there is an Anu Malik, there is a Pritam). And I secretly hope that they don’t fix that monstrosity that they call Facebook Chat. So that I can blame it on Facebook when I don’t feel like talking.

Farewell, Google Plus.


Notes – 1st July

This blogpost doesn’t have a purpose. It is just a random assortment of facts and announcements. Here it goes:

– Half of 2011 is gone. If you are a Mayan, you have only six months to live. Wrap things the bollywood way: Find a non-mayan husband for your wife/girlfriend, organize their wedding, sing and dance and then die right before their honeymoon.

– I am on a break from Twitter. This is similar to Uday Chopra’s retirement announcement(As in no one gives a fuck and he may be back before you know it). Every once in a while I suffer from Twitter disillusionment. After all we are just a bunch of chattering idiots. Imagine you walk into a bar and all of a sudden everyone starts talking to you. Sometimes Twitter gives me THAT feeling. And sometimes I feel like I’ve walked into a bar and started screaming to get attention. I’ve been battling Twitter for a long long time and I am hoping that I’ll develop a plug-unplug method wherein I’ll be able to give up on social networking whenever I want to. Without feeling awkward or left out. Of course it is simpler than it sounds. But for the moment, no more maggi or omelette making tweets on your timeline.

– Google Plus has been launched. And I’ve been graced with a trial. I am neither excited about this nor depressed. I am just running around in circles.

– What I am excited about is the fact that I am going to spend the next two months experimenting. And shooting. Yessir. I am going to trace all my footprints on the internet and I am going to purge the stuff that I don’t want. I’ve already deleted my Linkedin profile. I don’t want a job that way, nor a recommendation. I don’t think I need LinkedIn. But I need to make this more clear to LinkedIn just to stop them from sending me invites. Reporting them as spam on Gmail isn’t working. Also deleted my BlogAdda profile(for which you have to mail the BlogAdda team because they don’t have a delete button). I am going to do this to a lot of other profiles/blogs/stuff on the internet. Frankly I am more excited about using Google Dashboard to find out how many Google services I use and eliminate most of them.

– I am so bored at work that I finished reading a 1000+ pages PDF(LOTR+The Hobbits) entirely in June. If July turns out to be anything like June, I need to come up with really good ways to pass my time at work and do something productive. And no, Marking off Google Reader Unread items doesn’t count.

– Which brings me to the point that I am in love with Google Reader. I am going to follow a lot more blogs and unfollow a few. I am also considering my favorite twitter wallahs on Google Reader(Just added @surekhapillai there).

– is also slated for some changes. Planning to make a blog roll(finally). A few tweaks here and there too. I may be building a page to record mundane stuff like books read/movies watched/fuck given etc.

– Of late, has suffered from a lot of sautela vyavahar because of a sudden Faking News surge in my neurons. Every now and then a headline would pop up and I’d add a few hundred boring words to expand that. The folks at Faking News are considerate people and keep publishing whatever shit I send them(mostly). They also offered me a page of my own. Now people can sue me directly instead of suing me via Faking News. I am also considering getting a Journalist/Reporter Id card for Faking News and adding ‘PRESS’ to my briefcase. In bold, red letters.

– Slideshare finally sent the prize for the Presentation Horror Story Contest. I now have a 3M Portable Projector(MP180) that I have absolutely no use for. I am planning to sell it for 350$(or 15000 bucks, whichever is higher). If you know someone who’d be interested in buying, let me know. I’ll throw in a poster of Lara Dutta for free.

– I am going to write some ‘Tantanoo goes to’ posts now.

– I am planning to *wanders off to read a few blogs*


*clicks on the publish button*