First Anniversary

On 16 June, 2011 I completed a year. In Chennai.

A year.

365 days.

262 Working days.

A year ago, 14 of us landed in Chennai.

7 of us remain.

One of them is me.

I still remember the day when we gave our choices for a job location. Delhi, Mumbai, Bangalore. I had chosen. I remember the moment when the allotments were announced. Chennai. God had chosen. 17 people were slated to leave for Chennai. Some were flustered. Some broke down(not kidding). I was unperturbed. Jaipur was getting on  my nerves with its heat and paying 3800 bucks for a shared room was getting on my wallet. I wanted a way out, even if it meant landing in Chennai. Mom was concerned though. When you have 1800 Kilometers separating you and  your son, you can’t help but worry a bit. But she had faith in my rice-eating skills. All she warned me against were shady cinema halls and b-grade movies. ‘Nongra picture dekho na jano’. Dad would break into the ‘There was a man from Madras, whose balls were made of brass..’ jingle every now and then. Relatives in Hyderabad were informed and asked to take care of me in emergencies. You know the procedure.

My first thought upon reaching Chennai was that it deserves a better airport. And saner taxi drivers. The very first taxi that we hired in Chennai did a Mylapore-drift on Chennai’s favorite flyover that knocked the air out of all of us. A semi-bengali-amit had arrived in Chennai.

In the last 12 months, I’ve hated Chennai at times and loved it on other occasions. But on most days, I’ve ignored it. I’ve slept through 43% of the 262 days. Another 35% I’ve spent in a cubicle, reducing my Google Reader count and replying to emails. I haven’t given Chennai much attention, to be honest. And Chennai isn’t exactly vying for attention. It is busy protecting itself. Protecting its kolams from being disfigured by the amits and the johns of the world. Protecting its posters and its rasam from external influence.

But it allows you to live. Like an overprotective landlady who’ll give you her house as long as you promise to behave yourself. When she is happy, she’ll serve you the best vadas she can conjure. When she is angry, she’ll microwave you till you pop. When she is busy with something else, you may crib about her. Scream ‘Chennai sucks man!’ after that second bottle of Kingfisher in an air-conditioned over-priced apartment. You may also compare her with Bangalore(that is to say her weather with Bangalore’s weather and her women with Bangalore’s(?) women). It will make a comeback with the ‘you-laugh-because-I-am-different-I-laugh-because-you-are-all-the-same’ logic.

If it doesn’t, some ardent Chennaite(not Chennaikar mind you) will.

Because they love their city. They do. There is this fierce affection for Chennai in its people. Like an Indian defending his country on Youtube. They love Chennai with all their heart. Irrespective of the ruling political party. Irrespective of the stint in the US. Irrespective of the mandatory posting in Delhi where a half-decent Idli costs 70 Rs and Rajma Chawal is all that keeps you alive. They always come back. Or never leave. They carry a bit of Chennai everywhere they go. Even to team meetings.

Not that they are bad. A north-Indian is as welcome in Chennai as a south-Indian in Delhi, a non-Mumbaikar in Mumbai or a non-Indian in India. And as safe. But they are far more pleasant in expressing their displeasure for someone who doesn’t understand their way of life and their weddings, than their cousins on the opposite side of the Narmada. Chennai needs conditioning. The weather takes getting used to. Believe me when I say this, it is as bad as Mumbai’s weather. But in Mumbai, who is looking at the weather?  But Chennai let’s you be. It doesn’t force you to appear cool like Delhi does. Or intelligent like Calcutta expects. or fashionable as Mumbai likes it. As long as you can tell your ‘Moon’ from your ‘Rende’ and ‘Parrota’ from ‘Paratha’, you are good. This sense of equality is also meted out by Chennai’s autowallahs who’ll trouble a north-Indian and south-Indian alike. Grammar and spellings is another thing that unites the North and the South, though very few people realize it. If you don’t too, allow me to forward a few emails. But comparing cities is like comparing ex-girlfriends. Pointless, that is. After all, a city is a city is a city.

I’ll be in Chennai for a few more months. Or years. And I intend to know more about Chennai. Maybe discover another continent like T-Nagar. Or assassinate the TASMACian who sold us fake Carlsbergs. Go on a trek and return alive. Find a Durga Pujo here. Maybe open a Calcutta Rolls shop. Buy an Autorickshaw and drive it around the city. Buy a lungi. Find the old-books bazaar. Have a Kosha-mangsho at Annapoorna. Watch a movie in Jayanti Theatre. Finish that bottle of Morpheus.

That is, in case I am not sleeping on weekends.

Or writing blog posts.

Because, on 16th June 2011, crossed 10000 hits.



Khali Fokat #1

Photoshop is addictive.

Last night I had a lot of work to finish.

I didn’t.

I blame Photoshop.

And our Prime Minister.

Manmohan is a louly name. So is our Prime Minister. Calm, composed and well, calm and composed.

But what if we had a more sinister Prime Minister?

Like, Dr. MacMohan Singh?

mcmohan singh2




Or if he was a bit musical.

Like Dr. Madan Mohan Singh.


madan mohan


Or if he was very musical.

Like Dr. Mann Mohan Singh

Dr. MannMohan Singh


You get the drift.


1. Due apologies to the owners of these pics, whoever and wherever you are. If you want this blog post pulled down, just let me know.

2. Due apologies also to swargiya Madan Mohan and Macmohan. Legends in their own right.

3. Apologies again to Gurdas Mann sahab(My dad used to call him so). (I wanted to use Harbhajan Mann but it didn’t feel right somehow)

4. Finally apologies to all those who came here looking for a blog post.


Protesting bananas stop several trains

Early this morning, thousands of bananas worldwide staged a one-of-a-kind protest, to protect and restore their dignity. To the discomfort of many, several bananas gathered on railway tracks in India, paralyzing services in a lot of places. The Bananas were protesting against injustice meted to them by software companies and people in general. ‘This is a fight for our identity, our dignity and position in the fruit world’, an angry banana told reporters.


(Thousands of Bananas staged a walkout in the Parliament today | via. here)

In a letter to the World Food Council, the Go! Bananas association have underlined their grievances. There is a popular sentiment in the fruit world that since times immemorial, bananas have been denied of any fame or recognition. Other fruits enjoy the limelight with sayings like ‘An apple a day..’ or  ‘a case of sour grapes..’. Bananas on the other hand have always been served with a taste of sexual innuendo. This double entendre has irked their kind and has forced them to take to the streets.

Last night’s WWDC conference was the tipping point for Bananas. Bananas claim that Apple has gone too far in crushing their reputation. ‘No one talks about bananas anymore’ – a banana told us on conditions of anonymity. ‘Everyone is concerned about Apples. Even the credit for gravity goes to Apples. The story of Adam and Eve also features Apples. Apples are breeding faster than engineers and this is a serious threat to the fruits ecosystem. People are even forgetting our name. THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE!’.


(Via. Here)

The Bananas have gone as far as to threaten some software companies with lawsuits. ‘First it will be Apple and then we’ll sue Microsoft for defamation. We are also planning to take Orange to court.’ – a Go! Banana representative told us. Some #worldfamous celebrities are supporting the Bananas in their endeavor to regain the respect they deserve. Some bananas in India were noticed singing ‘Chal a-Kela, Chal a-Kela’ while marching to the nearest railway track. ‘Why did they have to name their new OS as Mango? WHAT IS WRONG WITH A BANANA?’ roared another angry banana who went ahead and started stripping for the news camera.


Governments world over are trying to hold talks with Bananas to settle this problem peacefully. Indian government is also mulling a late-night lathi-charge in case things go out of hand. Whatever be the case, the bananas are adamant in their demands. It is feared that several other fruits may join forces with them in the coming days, as the rest of the world gears up for lawsuits, counter-lawsuits and counter-counter-lawsuits.