A few days ago, @chuck_gopal of #project72 fame wrote a post about ‘Gadgetophilia’. Being the avid gadgeteer that he is, Chuck had listed all the gadgets that he has owned or owns. ‘I haven’t regretted ANY of my gadget purchases’, says Chuck. That touched a nerve somewhere. It did more than touch. It burnt my insides. It made my blood boil. Let me tell you why.

I have regretted ALL my gadget purchases.

Well, almost.

If you’ve been through the about me page, you’ll be familiar with some of the stuff that I have bought in the past. If you are not, by the end of this post you’ll definitely be(unless you have the attention span of Ranbeer Kapoor). To keep this blog post as #pritam as possible, we’ll structure this exactly as Chuck’s blog post is. So here goes, a tragedy of errors.

Audio Products:

My dad has a fetish for some audio products – Radios and audio cassette players to be precise. At any point in time, our home has close to 12 radios and 5 cassette players(no exaggerations here), including stuff like Takai and Soni. I had my first walkman(an actual Sony Walkman) when I was 13. My first cassette was called ‘Hot Stuff’ and had a bikini babe on the cover. It had songs like ‘Here comes the hotstepper’ and ‘Iko Iko’. I once paid 90 bucks for getting a cassette recorded that had songs like ‘Mera dil le gayi oye kammo kidhar’. You get the drift.

I lost my faith in ‘Audio products’ when one of my ‘walkmans’ ate my Westlife cassette. It had cost me 150 bucks. I was infuriated, devastated. Later one of our Weston antiques developed an appetite for our audio cassettes. I had lost all hope(and songs).

My next audio product was a computer. Audio product because at that point in time, it did nothing more than playing songs of ‘Major Saab’. Aveseq01.dat used to be on a loop with Sonali Bendre dominating the scene. Then I became a bit adventurous and decided to buy decent speakers for my computer. ‘Chip’ magazine(now known as Digit) was bought, speakers compared and it was settled between Altec Lansing and Artis. I went ahead and bought something called ‘Decibel YAK’.

I have never had the courage to buy a speaker system after that.

When I was in college, I wanted an MP3 player. Again after painstaking research, I went ahead and bought a Transcend T. Sonic 610. It was pretty #decent and HAD FM RADIO.

Three years after that, I won an Apple Ipod Nano on a Twitter contest(I didn’t have much of a life back then too). I plugged the iPod Nano earphones into the Transcend(I am cheap like that) and all of a sudden it started sounding like a #decent music player. Now my ears aren’t calibrated well enough to distinguish between good ‘sound’ and ‘bad’ sound but that day I realized the importance of good earphones.

I used to consider Apple earphones to be state-of-the-art till wiser souls on Twitter told me about ‘Sennheiser’ and other brands.

After much consideration, I’ve now bought a ‘Sennheiser PX 80’ – the one meant for us around-poverty-lines types. I bought it in Bangalore and took it to a temple in Chennai. A month later I forgot the case(which is the coolest thing on earth) in a Jet Airways flight. That put an end to the flaunting and I now use it only for listening to music.

(I also have a set of in-ear headphones by Philips that sound awful but come in a beautiful case)

Audio-creation tools:


I am musically challenged. Which is a curse considering my dad is very gifted when it comes to music(and we are bengalis).

At any point in time, you’ll find at least 3 guitars, a mouthorgan and a keyboard at our place(again, no exaggeration. This is based on 25+ years of data). Once upon a time we had a mandolin too. Dad got a Casio keyboard for me when I was in my pre-teens. After several sessions of playing(rather trying to play) Jingle Bells, Vande Mataram and ‘Saare ke saare, gamma ko lekar gaate chale’, we gave up on each other. After that I’ve never really give audio-creation much thought. Though I am planning to buy a guitar, to take it around with me wherever I go. Like 78% of my college mates.

Image Capturing devices:

Ah. *deep breath*

My first camera was a Yashica. And I loved clicking pics. I remember carrying it to a three-day trip in Agra where the last day was spent in developing four full camera reels. That #cheapthrill that I used to get when the extra photos(after the usual 36) came out perfectly, is still unmatched.

In 2002, I bought a UMAX Astrapix A380. It cost a whopping 4500(#middleclass you see) and we had a Gollum-Ring kind of a relationship for a while. It doubled up as a webcam and had a software called Photo Fantasy(aptly named) bundled with it which allowed me to morph images. Teenage happened again.





I took 2500+ pics with that camera. It was/is a very unique camera. Despite being digital, it had a very non-digital feel to it. It had a capacity of only 40 pictures and there was no LCD to preview the pic. You had to press a button 10 times to delete a picture. 5 times to enable Flash. This made life really exciting and adventurous. For a while. By the time I entered college, it had become an embarrassment. It was very pre-Y2Kish and didn’t age well. After a while, I lost it somewhere on my desk.


*deep breath* I am planning to buy a DSLR now(it has been an year since I started planning). *deep breath*

I want to add Avid-Photographer-Enthusiast-Flickerer-Naturalist-Phile to my twitter bio. I visit Flipkart twice each day, check out the latest prices and close the window. I have 25 Rs. in my savings account as of now and I intend to buy a DSLR before #Rapture. Yes.

Mobile Phones:

I have never bought a mobile phone in my life. All of them were gifts.

I got my first mobile phone in college. It was a Nokia 1100. My mom uses it now and I will start using it again in 2013 if the world doesn’t end. It had the softest keypad EVER and a TORCHLIGHT!

My second phone was a Nokia 2600. It will always be remembered for having a Crazy ball game that kept me amused during powercuts.

My third phone was a Motorola C117. It was being away with Hero Honda bikes because people were not buying it other wise. Highs: A Foosball game and a blue screen. Lows: Everything else.

My fourth phone was a Nokia 6300. Super browser. Great Camera. I owe my Twitter dp and strong carpal bones to it.

My fifth and current phone is a – *wait for it* – Lava A9.



Power in your hand. YOUR HAND.

Enough said.


Perhaps the only domain where I score over Chuck, is watches. I have a major watch-fetish. My first watch was a Titan inherited from Dad. My second watch was inherited from my uncle. My third, fourth and fifth watch(es?) were Fastracks. Back in the time when a Fastrack was considered uber-cool(and Genelia Dsouza was no more than a bubbly kid – which anyway, she still is). I also had an HMT once upon a time which was totally cool – digital and all that. Today I have a Swatch Windfall Chronograph(I think). It was a gift from my cousin, an onsite-returned Infoscion(I have rich relatives, yes).

This Swatch is so awesome that its strap costs more than two Fastrack watches. It is partially responsible for the Rs. 25 account balance.

Computer things:

My first PC was an assembled thingy with a Celeron 800 MHz processor. An year later, I upgraded it to a Celeron 1 GHz processor which was my last desktop processor. In 2004-5, when the world was fiddling with P4, Hyperthreading and Multiple Cores, I was busy playing AOE on a Celeron processor. I then used my cousin’s HP laptop for a while, till I bought a Dell Inspiron in 2010. Which was the – as Chuck puts it – Life-changing-turning-point-OSO moment for me. For it was instrumental in maintaining my 14×7 twitter presence(which explains the 3000+ followers just in case you were wondering).

I love my laptop. It keeps me alive. and cribbing. *hugs laptop* *wipes tears* *resumes blog post writing at 6 in the morning*


My life’s first vehicle(that I can remember) was a Tobu cycle. I was(and am) proud of it. My second vehicle was a Hero cycle which I could neither understand nor operate. It had the vintage doodh-wala handle and was shorter than usual cycles. I loathed it. After selling it for some 200 bucks I bought a better cycle which used to take me to the IIT JEE classes(more on that in another post), 10+ kilometers a day.

My next vehicle was and will always be the biggest KLPD in my life.

Gentlemen(and gentleladies), I was the proud(ha!) owner of a limited edition HERO SMART.


(HERO SMART, Bruised in its first accident)

Limited edition, because very limited people actually bought it. It was more than a moped, it was an oxymoron. It was neither smart, nor hero-ish. It was neither a moped, nor a bike. It had four gears and stopped working in the rainy season. It sounded like an Enfield and looked like, well, a moped. You could have removed the petrol tank lid by twisting it a bit and there was nothing I could do about it.  It was single handedly responsible for my bachelor status for 3 long years. The only good thing about it was the 60+ average. After clocking some 6000 Kms on it, I finally sold it for 1100 Rs.


(As it turns out, only Aamir Khan can pull it off)

I bought a Hero Honda CD Deluxe after that(another milkman bike you may say) but haven’t had any reasons to complain about it so far, in a 28000+ kms relationship. At the moment it is stowed away at a friend’s place in Nagpur, like the princess in the tallest tower, waiting for its prince.

Other stuff:

Nothing, really. That is all I have or have had.

I may buy an XBOX in the near future, when I have enough money to buy pirated cds to run on it. I’ll never buy an iPad or a Kindle because I like my books where I can scribble and dog-ear pages. I may buy an iPhone when I have enough money to pay for apps and subscriptions. Someday I’ll also buy a Nikon D7000 and a castle in Scotland. Someday.


This post is a qawalli type response to Chuck’s post. I had informed him about this #pritam-ish effort in advance. If you have read so far, you are now aware of my condition. If you are rich, please include me in your will. If you are poor(like me), please work hard, earn money and then include me in your will.

(P.S.: The Lava A9 is actually an awesome dual-sim phone. Its only disadvantage being its .032 megapixel camera).

(P.S.2.: This post suffers from a lot of parentheses, kindly adjust.)


Rahul Gandhi is now officially an icon

All is not lost for Rahul Gandhi. Following a spate of bad news, it appears that good news is finally pouring in for Rahul Gandhi from the most unexpected quarters. After being declared a ‘Youth Icon’ when he was in the 40s and a ‘Style Icon’ when he wears the same set of clothes over and over again, Rahul Gandhi has now officially been declared as a proper icon. Microsoft India today announced that they have decided to replace the default Recycle Bin icon in all versions of Windows with Rahul Gandhi’s image. Not only that, Microsoft has also issued a critical update which replaces all the important icons in your machine with Congress party symbols.


(Click on image to enlarge Jai Ram Ramesh’s hairline)

Continue reading →


Now, a Richter scale for measuring Earthquake Jokes

In what could be termed as a ground-breaking development, Scientists have invented a richter-like scale for measuring Earthquake jokes. After considerable research and profound-brain-things, scientists have devised a formula that quantifies the insensitivity of an earthquake joke.

Known as the Crichter Scale, this is a complex equation will now be used to rate Earthquake jokes on a uniform scale. Developed by a team of scientists from across the globe, the Crichter Scale is ‘the need of the hour’ believes leading scientist Dr. Prithvi Pati.

‘By plotting the number of people who lost their lives in the earthquake versus time difference between the joke and the earthquake on a double logarithmic graph, we were able to identify a magnitude that is close enough to representing the amount of disgust caused by an earthquake joke’, Dr. Prithvi revealed to group of reporters. ‘We also multiplied the result with what we call the ‘Fatality coffecient’ which is the ratio of the number of people offended by the joke to the number of people who died because of the joke’.


(68% people on Facebook found this picture offensive)

The Crichter Scale has come under the scanner on popular third-world social network Twitter. An anonymous twitter user mentions that this scale doesn’t take into account the number of people who follow, unfollow or block others based on Earthquake jokes, actions which are major expressions of outrage worldwide. A twitter user from Delhi suggests that this scale is a scam to deride Delhi’s reputation as any joke that is cracked on a Delhi earthquake will have a Insensitivity score of zero. Gilbert Gottfired did not have any comments on this development.

The Crichter Scale has also received harsh criticism from mathematicians who believe that for such a scale to give accurate results, the characteristics of the joke need to be adjusted into the formula. Scientists at XKCD suggest that the level of wit for a joke should be expressed in measurement units like milliWildes or Southparks and this should be appropriately factored in the overall equation.

The Crichter scale also doesn’t take into consideration the proximity between the joke-cracker and the joke-listener. However such criticism has been counter-criticized by the argument that social networks like Twitter and Facebook have dissolved geographical boundaries and diluted space-time calculations and thus this equation needs to be modified to include supergalactic variables. However, biologists and doctors have rubbished the Crichter scale entirely. Their disagreement stems from a research that links places with extreme seismic activity to an underdeveloped ulnar nerve.

Criticisms and janlokpal-ish amendments notwithstanding, with the Crichter scale scientists have reached the final frontier where society and science meet each other(and laugh). Its applications in litigations, crucial follow/unfollow/block decisions on Twitter and as an irrevocable evidence of moral insensitivity have global implications. While the true performance of the Crichter scale remain to be seen, it is rumored that scientists are already working on an algorithm that traces the real route of a Sai Baba forward email. It appears that Science, like Earth, is on a roll.


A dead blog and a lonely girl

Last night turned out to be a special night. Last night, There goes a thought reached the 50000 hits milestone. Now in SEO terms, 50000 hits is like Mimoh’s debut(s). But considering that I’ve deleted almost all my older blogs before they hit puberty, 50K hits is a big deal for me. So last night out of sheer boredom, I delved deep into TGAT’s analytics reports, trying to figure out the kind of people who visited TGAT via Google. The results have been very encouraging.


Number of people who arrived to TGAT looking for Nobel Peace Prize and its cousins including: Nobel Piece Prize, Novel Peace Prize, Nobal Peace Prize, Nobel Pease Price and Nobel Prices


People who came to TGAT looking for ‘Lonely girl’



People think Ashish Nehra is funny. They came to TGAT looking for Ashish Nehra jokes, jokes on Ashish Nehra, Ashish nehra funny etc.


horny chemists came looking for ‘Vidya Balan Sodium Sulfate’


People wanted a middle finger. 67 of them were noob suicide bombers who came looking for ‘middle finger explosion’.


People found what they came for. ‘Insane Person’.


People who wanted to see ‘Bappi da without glasses’. I did a little google search and now I know why. Go ahead, try it.


were disappointed. They wanted ‘Sania Mirza nude’.


people were looking for ‘Ugly bald men’. I am guessing some of them follow me on Twitter now.


people were looking for ‘Shewag’. Whatever that is.


‘list out the question which we ask about sania mirza about her biography and achievement’.


wanted ‘lonely pictures of a girl’.

were looking for ‘Rakhi sawant breast’.

were looking for ways to ‘make a Yash Raj’. One of them is dating Uday Chopra, for sure.


Number of times @dharmeshG visited TGAT: ‘spelling to become tomorrow’s leaders’

People came from Kanpur. They were looking for a place for ‘spitting gutkha’.

People ‘hate ashish nehra’.


were right. ‘We need education’.


were looking for a way to stop Arnab Goswami from talking. ‘arnab goswami wife’

‘finger gurdass mann’

‘blod on the dance floor is gay’

‘indian coupuls porne’

‘life, poem vector’


‘hair of tere name’

‘lara dutta tweeted fart’

‘being sane in insane places’

‘ashish nehra dead’

‘bengali animals’

‘japan porno leady sex’

‘chuttad khan’

‘kamal hassan arm workout routine’

‘hermionee wants to pee’

‘girl with lots of bald men’

‘mika´s hot men’

‘chennai merina lovers day porn watch’

‘why are visit zoo’

great symbole of company of automobile’

‘sympathy nehra’

‘a cat reading harry potter’

‘bengali iit stink’

‘armpit hair actress deepti naval’

‘shilpa shetty beliefs on alcohol’

‘kidney stone bladder exit speed’

‘in which state arabian sea is ?’

‘sleeper cell pyar ho gaya’

‘fuck with leady patient and wardboy’

‘sania mirza balls’

‘i am not dead Indian’


So there you go.

A dead blog’s post-mortem results are out.

Lonely girl wins.

In case you didn’t know, I am tagging every post with the ‘lonely girl’ keyword these days. Even the Open Letter to Anna Hazare was tagged with ‘Lonely girl’. has also been doing fairly well as far search engine traffic is concerned. The fact, that it is the 9.3 x e^21st most popular blog on the internet, helps.  Here are some gems from’s traffic report:

‘dhoom machale slogan for shadi’

‘japan octopus food porn video’

‘ramdev baba holding’

‘northindia bhabhi’

‘how can i check octopus astrology’

‘men’s under way istemal video’


‘sex with nagraj’

I like where this is going, don’t you?

(Sincere apologies to those who came looking, yet again, for a lonely girl. This isn’t Kashmeera Shah’s blog.)

How many virgins do Osama's body doubles get?


Well, Osama’s dead.

In a fit of boredom, I read through the transcript of Obama’s speech, the one right after the ‘victory’. I found bits of the speech really interesting. Like the use of the word ‘death’ before ‘capture’. I mean for someone whose only achievements so far have been speeches, this one makes him sound like a ‘Unreal Tournament’ Bot. Like he’s on a killing spree(in case they get Gaddafi too).

This makes Laden’s execution sound like US’s first priority. Not capturing him alive. No trial. Just an Ab-Tak-Chappan-ish encounter. Not that capturing Laden alive sounds attractive(remember IC-814?). But still.

So, there you have it. Your personal conspiracy story. Among the many others that are floating around- the timing of this, the presidential elections and Pakistan’s now-you-see-me-now-you-don’t game. Enjoy.

P.S.: You might wanna read this and this.


(Another) Open Letter to Anna

Dear Anna,

Like many others before me, I am writing you an Open letter(and guess what, it is 5 in the morning today too). But I have never written an Open letter before, so if this letter isn’t open enough or feels closed in any way, please forgive me for the same.

I am writing to you to express my feelings about your agitation and the JLP bill. I wanted to travel to Jantar Mantar and express these feelings in person but by the time I’d have reached Delhi from Chennai, your fast might have ended. And IPL was also around the corner so I didn’t want to take any chances. However I’ve been assured by some twitter friends that a blog is the best place to express anything, so I am writing you an open letter here.

Coming to the point, Anna ji, I want to say that I don’t agree with you. But unlike others, I am not going to question your motive, your company or your method. I checked your profile on LinkedIn and I am totally impressed by all the work you did in that village.

I also don’t have any problems with a fast-unto-death. If Veeru can threaten Mausi with a jump-from-the-tallest-tower threat and acquire Basanti for himself, your fast-unto-death offer ‘for the nation’ is totally justified. Also, 376 people on your facebook fan page tell me that this is a ‘war’ against corruption and we all know that all is fair in love and war. Fast-unto-death is also an oxymoron, because it is usually a slow-unto-death process but let’s not go into that.

I was saying that I trust your method. And your company. I suggest that you get some green and blue companions so you can form a tricolor there and dismiss rumors of your agitation being backed by the saffron brigade. I also understand that Baba Ramdev needs to be by your side to keep you healthy. I am told that if you sit in a particular aasan, you can go without eating for months but I don’t believe it. But I have a lot of faith in Baba Ramdev. If he can cure homosexuality, corruption should be a piece of cake for him. Or Gourd.

(If you rearrange the letters of YOGA, you get O! GAY #sirumadelakhs | Image via. The Sun)


I admire your choice of location too. Jantar Mantar is the perfect place to hold such a huge demonstration. Afterall, politicians have used jantar mantar on this country and robbed billions of rupees without anyone noticing. It is time you did some jantar mantar and robbed millions of politicians from this country. Poor jokes apart, none of the protests at India Gate ever achieve success. We all know what happened the last time when someone tried to do a candle march at the India Gate. So kudos for that too.

You may wonder then, that if I support all that, why am I writing you this letter? I am writing you this to let you know that fasting against corruption is wrong.

In the past few days weeks, I’ve read a lot of posts discussing and criticizing your actions and the JanLokPal bill. I’ve also seen blog posts that support your agitation, your fast against corruption. But very few people(and blogs) have spoken in favor of corruption. To balance the scales a bit, I write to you, to explain the importance of corruption and why we must protect it at any cost.

You want to uproot corruption from India like Sunnyji uprooted the hand-pump in Gadar. But have you ever imagined how our country would survive without corruption?

Corruption, dear sir, is a national emblem. Like Shilpa Shetty, it is our ‘Rashtriya Dharohar’. Or like my Maths teacher, a necessary evil. Remember the physics class where they said that without friction things can’t move? Corruption is the friction that is needed to make the country move. Without it, the country would be in a state of complete chaos.

Imagine. If India had been a corruption-free country since Independence, everything would have changed. Everyone would have been honest. All our files, our applications would have moved at the same pace. Ajay Devgan’s movie career would have been non-existent too. How would he fight injustice if the cops would actually arrest and prosecute Paresh Rawal’s kid for a rape attempt on Ajay’s sister? 90% of the Bollywood’s movies would have been trashed for a lack of plot. Nana Patekar would have been silent for a greater part of his life.

Cows would have been so healthy that our streets would have been infested by them. India’s population would be twice or thrice of what it is now because all the babies and people who die at the hands of corruption, would be healthy and thriving. There wouldn’t be any sting operations. All NEWS channels(and not only India TV) would have resorted to inventing news to keep the audience entertained. ‘Na Aana Is Des Meri Ladoo’ would have ended after 3 episodes.

No one would have said ‘Mere baap ko jaanta hai?’ in a fight. What fun is a father who can’t twist some muscle?

Let me give you some examples from my personal life. Since primary school days corruption has been an integral part of my life. All the medical certificates I took to school, confirming that I couldn’t make it to school because I had viral fever, were fake.  At 10 Rs. a certificate, it was always easier to acquire viral fever than finishing my holiday homework. As I grew up, corruption started playing a major role in my life.

Thanks to Dalals and Imaginary VIPs(of VIP quota fame) I’ve never stood in a line at a railway station for a ticket. I owe my passport, my driving license, my character certificate, my ration card – everything to corruption. In fact, when I walked into the inspector’s office to get my driving license approved, he asked me if I can see with both my eyes. Apparently the last license he had issued was for a blind man. The fact that the picture on my driving license resembles that of a freedom fighter, is a testimony to the efficacy of corruption.


(According to this document, I was 30 in 2010)

The only time I tried evading corruption and asked for a traffic ticket instead of paying a bribe, I had to wait 3 months to get my vehicle’s papers. After paying a bribe.

Without corruption Sir, we are as lost as Abhimanu in a chakravyuh or as an Indian CM in a Pawan Hans helicopter. Without corruption pulling us back, we run the risk of becoming a ‘First World Country’. Then we’ll have to attack other countries after blaming them for our crimes. We’ll have to outsource our jobs and act as baby-sitters to global economy. We’ll become the very monster we dread.

I therefore urge you to reconsider your choice of topic for this protest. You can go for a fast-unto-death for some nobler purpose. Like creating a new state. Or a new country.

Having said all this, I would like to reiterate that I do not dislike you. In fact you are my favorite Gandhian after Sanjay Dutt. But please give my thoughts a thought.



(Please find attached a tetra-pack of Tropicana Apple just in case)